Captain Aggravated

Having a pool doesn’t make it easier to hang dong, just marginally more plausible.

Aren’t there already? Surgeon General’s Warning: Do not drive a pregnant woman under the influence blah blah blah

I spent enough time in aviation to know how much drilling it actually takes to teach people emergency procedures. If it’s different than what they usually do, it takes hours of practice. Even something as simple as finding and pulling a different door latch. If you’re stressed, even as stressed as “the doors won’t open the way I’m used to them otherwise everything is okay” your brain will just fail to pivot to the alternate procedures.

Cars got so simple to use in the 90’s. Sure they were simpler machines in the 60’s but fuel injection eliminated chokes and other carburetor issues, automatic transmissions became ubiquitous, children can handle vehicles of this complexity. And now we’re making them more complicated for no actual reason, with electric door latches with manual backups and such, and it’s causing problems.

At least one door should open via a mechanical key and mechanical handle from the outside, and I firmly believe the internal door handles should all function mechanically as well. There shouldn’t be “usually you use a button but in an emergency this thing that looks like a bit of trim is the actual mechanical handle” that shouldn’t be allowable by code.

Yeah Tom Scott did one of his linguistics videos about that, he had a word for it but some questions aren’t really questions they’re basically just rituals, though rephrased a different way makes them genuine questions, and when you have major dialects of the “same” language like British and American English, we use different ones. “Are you alright?” is basically a noise of greeting in Britain and an expression of genuine concern in America, while “How are you?” is the reverse.

You want to make them stop and process, answer it with “I can still walk, how about you?”

Rich Evans once said of Who Framed Roger Rabbit: “Bugs Bunny gave Eddie Valiant the spare tire (instead of a spare parachute) because Mickey Mouse would never do anything funny.”

America’s got some goofy cryptids too. Like the hugag. A large, moose-like fearsome critter with a big floppy upper lip and no elbows or knees. Unable to lay down or kneel, it can only eat bark from trees around the height of its head, and it can’t lay down to sleep so it leans against trees, sometimes causing the tree to lean.

Can anyone name me one that is a normal fucking car? With a little dial that tells you how fast you’re going that isn’t an LCD display that can’t be read in direct sunlight connected to an internet connected computer that will never get OS updates? With a gear shift lever that moves forward and back or up and down to select park, reverse and drive, not a nipple in the glove box to lick for “Forward,” a knob on the ceiling labeled “H” and to put it in reverse you honk the word REVERSE on the horn? Where the doors have handles that you pull on to open that look like door handles, and locks that have cylinders that accept keys?

Don’t most hoofed critters?

I’ve thought for a long time dogs only think in punctuation.

“Whose a good boy?”

“???”

“You’re a good boy!”

“!!!”

This dog has interrobangs and semi-colons in his head.

Having spent my life around cats I struggle to get used to the round pupils on dogs. I’m used to slit pupils on quadrupeds.

Yeah I don’t know why people do that.

I actively try not to.

Remember the game people used to play that was something like “type my girlfriend is and then let your phone keyboards auto suggestion take it from there?” LLMs are that.

My S10 is a “light truck.” A Silverado 3500 is not.

Yeah they tried to teach me to touch type in middle school, but it was MSN messenger and using an internet-connected computer as a tool for socializing that got me to actually practice typing.

A lot of those typing things start you off with “here’s the home row. Now type several strings of meaningless text. Okay, now we’ll let you type g and h in addition.” and then add one or two letters at a time to slowly build up typing skills. I’m the third fastest touch typist I know and I got that way hitting on coeds.

Let 'em kill each other.

You say that in jest but I am a former flight instructor that isn’t particularly interested in going flying ever again, not since I dropped out of mechanic school anyway.

Note to self: Buy stock in deadly neurotoxin manufacturers.